Can You Imagine?!

Of all the weird things my students have asked me -- and asked of me -- yesterday morning I had the strangest request ever. A student who had missed the exit essay (a required test graded in committee that is a deciding factor in their next-term placement) and missed the required grammar exam after I'd given him a chance to make up the essay after he took the grammar exam, and I was allowing him to turn in his research paper late, simply didn't show up or contact me on the assigned day. I've learned not to take it personally; I tried to give him a break, and he blew it. That was last Wednesday. I didn't hear from him again until Monday -- after I'd posted grades on Sunday morning and his was an F.

He wanted another chance -- did I also mention that the next round of classes started on Monday? -- and I did follow up with the director of the developmental testing (probably not her real title, but I tend to make them up if I don't know them) who agreed that the young man had missed his chance. Shortly after I let him know that, I got an email from his father, wanting to know his sons grades on all work in my class. Now here's where I do my happy dance: We (professors/instructors) have to follow privacy laws, and if the kid is over eighteen, I can't discuss his or her grades with anyone without the student's written and signed permission. I'm truly not an evil person, but you wouldn't want to see the grin on my face when I'm relating that information to "helicopter" parents. For the first decade or so that I taught, we didn't have such laws, and I detested the pathetic parents who, for whatever reason, needed to run interference with me on their child's behalf.

Anyway, yesterday (Tuesday) I got a pleading email from this particular student, with the subject line "Help Me". Here is what it said:

The email I sent you last night is also is shown to my parents. I kinda told them I took the final test yesterday but don't think I passed it. Can you please help me with that conversation. Please because I'm on the verge of getting kicked out of my house. Just please make it seem like I took the test yesterday and didn't pass it. I thank you very much.

And here is my response:

I'm sorry, [name], but I can't lie for you. I understand that you can't go back and take the test or not tell them that you did, but I am not willing to take responsibility for that. I sincerely hope you are able to work things out.

Can you believe the nerve of some people? Why would he think I would risk my job for him -- let alone be unethical enough to be his accomplice? I didn't hear anything after that. Good.