Navigating OPS

I do okay dealing with my own stuff -- most of the time -- and I'm pretty good at helping other people, especially my kids, sort things out. I like to help and I've been told I do it well. What drives me crazy though are those who spend their lives mired in self-pity, sure that nobody has it worse than they do. I know everyone has a day like that now and then (or at least I assume so), but I think most do what I do: Give in for a few hours or even a day and then kick themselves in the ass and get back to life. I certainly don't mind letting someone vent -- and I do it myself now and then, as you may have noticed -- but at what point do you walk away from a relationship, platonic or otherwise, with a person who does nothing but cry about his or her life.

What I've found in recent years is that I have less and less patience for those people and have gotten better and better at cutting ties with them, or at least putting some distance between us. I used to think this was cruel. Now I don't. I dated a guy for a while a few years ago who used to complain that he was too good to others. I said, "Maybe you should look at it as not being very good to yourself." That never sank in for him -- he was one of the sadsacks I walked away from -- but I find if I can look at it like that, it makes it a lot easier to extricate myself from toxic people.

Still, I find myself in a situation which one of my sons has said sounds like the beginning of an episode of Forensic Files. I don't want to get too much into it here, but I have been slowly removing myself from the situation. It's not easy. Even in my extrication, I'm trying to exercise compassion, and this person is pretty good at manipulating my kind nature. I've held firm so far, but soon I will be in a weirdly vulnerable position. I might need help and find that this person is the only one available. It's definitely harder to set boundaries when one is not feeling fully independent. I don't think my safety is at stake, only my peace of mind. I just think it's time to stop navigating other people's shit (OPS) and do the best I can on my own.