Embarrassment

Imagine you run into a person you know who looks similar to another person you know. They are the about the same height, have similar hairstyles and features, and you've only seen each of them less than a handful of times. When you run into them, it's out of context and your mind tries to place the person you know you know. You give her a friendly hug -- after all, you know you know her -- and she hugs you back and addresses you by name. You proceed to call her by the wrong name, and it's not until a few minutes into your conversation that you realize you've done so and start to put together that you got her confused with her doppelganger -- much to your utter dismay. You carry on awkwardly hoping that she didn't hear you say the wrong name and that she didn't realize you obviously had thought she was someone else.

Now, imagine that she's your boss. (In my defense, I will say that I've had three bosses in the one semester I've been at my college, a series of "interim directors".) Imagine too that she's black. Does that matter? I know there's a perception that to white people all black people look alike. I swear, it isn't like that! But it made it worse because I didn't want her to think I saw things that way. Does the fact that I'm worried about it make me a racist? Does it make me a bad employee? Is it all complicated by my saying something to her friend about being a new adjunct -- after twenty years of teaching -- and having to work my way back up the ladder from the bottom wrung, when she is the one who does the scheduling?

I felt (and still feel) like such an idiot! I'm usually great in social situations. I'm the one my friends ask to accompany them to parties and business functions to be their "social crutch". This may be my worst public self-humiliation ever. My son was with me, and I talked to him (incessantly, I'm sure) about all of this. I told him I had even considered sending an email saying I had had a cocktail at lunch and was a little confused since I'm not a drinker. But in the end I decided lying -- or saying anything at all -- would only make it worse. And on our last errand stop, I got out of the car and as I waited for my son to come around that car to walk into the office supply store with me, an elderly man came up and I started to walk with him. I realized my son was behind him and waited. I said, "Oh, that wasn't you!" He replied, "Man, Mom, you're really not on your game today."