Today is my eldest son's thirty-fourth birthday. It is also the first anniversary of my mother's death. I hate that these two occasions are forever intertwined. I've tried to make the day extra-special for my son, despite my not being there with him. I hope he -- and my other two sons -- don't remember the date my mom died. That son was particularly close to my mom, and I don't like that her death overshadows the day. Intellectually, I know she had no control over when she passed, but emotionally I have a hard time with it being on that day.
I am getting ready to call my son. He went to work early this morning and I sent him a text very early. I hope that I end up leaving a message and he calls me later. That would mean that he's out celebrating. He doesn't usually do much on "school nights", so he probably will be there. If that's the case, at least I can cheer him up a little (if he needs it). I've always made a big deal of my kids' birthdays because I feel that everyone should have a day when he feels like the most special person. It's hard for me to stop wanting that for my sons just because they've grown up.
As for the anniversary of my mom's death, maybe that gets easier with time. Probably the first one is the worst.
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