I Wish I Knew

This will probably sound like some silly cosmic business, but I just thought tonight that it's taken me until the age of fifty-five to figure out that the world is mine -- and I am the world's. What I mean is that for the first time in my life, I feel incredibly free. I have no regrets about how I've spent any of my life; all of it was right for that time, and all of it led me to where I am now. I do, however, think about what I may have missed by not discovering sooner the "unlimits" of my life. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. Maybe I would have done everything just the same. I doesn't matter. What is important is that I remember it now that I've discovered it. I'm limited only by what I think limits me. Part of my recognizing this is the sense of empowerment I feel after my big adventure, but I think really that was just the stimulus. It's been there all along. I just didn't see it before.

That explains (maybe) the "world is mine" part. The "I am the world's" part has to do with knowing I can go anywhere and feel at home. I'm not explaining this train of thought very well, or maybe it's just crazy talk and thoughts. My mind is still a bit scrambled from jetlag, even though I've finally taken care of things I need to for my class and I spent half of today at my monthly volunteer gig. I feel like I'm coming into a "new normal", a routine that is half-routine and half-spontaneity, responsibility and whimsy, duty and caprice. None of that clarifies the point I'm attempting to make, and I'm not sure I fully understand it myself. I'm spitballing here, just thinking out loud.