Release

I don't remember ever before having come up with a "word of the year", but this year I have. That word is "release". I want to embroider it on a pillow! I alluded last week to a book I had borrowed about decluttering, but in reality the book is about so much more than that. It's called the life-changing magic of tidying up. (On the book, the title isn't capitalized.) The author suggests a process, and once I'll get to that point I'll take you along on the ride. For now, I'm reading it straight through. It truly has made me look at everything differently. The idea is to rid your house of whatever doesn't bring you joy, from items of clothing to books to papers and beyond. I don't want to say a lot about the exact content of the book -- I think this is a book that deserves to be bought and shared -- but I will say that you've probably seen or read something about the book and the author (Marie Kondo). Some of what she suggests scares me a little, having been a semi-packrat raised by a packrat who was also raised by a packrat. I will say that I can understand my grandmother's obsession with keeping things more than I can my mother's or my own; my grandmother grew up on a rural farm with next to nothing. My mother couldn't say the same and neither can I.

But it's not just about releasing stuff for me this year, and implementing this organizing system may spread to other areas of my life. Whether it comes as a result of that or not, I am so ready to jettison so much! Weight is an obvious issue, and I've gotten a start -- albeit a slow one -- on that. Maybe, just maybe, the weight isn't the problem but only a symptom. What I mean by that is I believe I have held on to a lot of emotional trash that has kept me stuck. It's easy to think, "If only I could lose weight, I would [insert whatever I'm not doing that I'd like to]." Gaining weight is an easy way -- for me, at least, and I have observed it in others -- to avoid socializing, dating, traveling, and a host of other enjoyable activities. It is a form of self-sabotage. I'm tired of sabotaging myself, and ready to let go of whatever isn't working in my life in exchange for what might.

Here is my dilemma, and it's one I've probably mentioned before: I don't know what I want, what might work, etc. But I do know what I don't want, so if I can release that, maybe the rest will just fall into place. It's worth a shot.