Health-related Musings

I can't lie: This weekend's hospitalization scared me. I tried to make light of it, and I'm working hard on that today, but I feel very unsettled. I chatted earlier with my youngest son, and as I told him there's something about being told you're ill that makes you believe it. The same is true about indirectly being told you're old; the doctor at the ER said something along the lines of, "Whenever we see a potential heart issue in someone YOUR AGE, we take it very seriously." (He didn't stress "your age", but that's the way I heard it. My discharge instructions said I could resume "normal activity as tolerated." How do I know what's NOT tolerated until I find out the hard way.

A few years ago I felt decades younger than my age. Now I feel decades older, or at least my age. I'm not whining, just observing. I know that, just as my choices have led me to the good things in my life (along with some good timing and luck), my choices have led me to the not-so-good things in my life. I made choices that led to weight gain, lack of activity, and little socialization. Now that I'm reaping the consequences, of course I wish I'd made different choices, and I know I still can. Surrounding myself with healthy, positive people would go a long way toward getting me back on track. I know I can't count on just other people. But we all need good social networks and close friends, a nice support system in place.

The weather today is beautiful, a little cooler than I consider ideal but still nice for being outdoors, and that's where I've spent most of my day. Now that it's getting later in the afternoon, it's cooling down a bit, so I've started a new crochet project, a fairly easy afghan I'm making for my guest room. I had the yarn -- man, do I have yarn! -- so it was just a matter of choosing the right one for the project. I'm doing a wavy blanket in robin's egg blue and ocean blue, almost the same colors as the walls in that room.

I have no appetite, weird for me, and I'm sure part of it is my rather bleak outlook. However, as I'm often a person of ups and downs, I hope to have a better outlook tomorrow. I really am doing my best to pull myself out of worry and despair. Some days it's just a little harder.