Being Mom

My oldest son understands something my youngest two can't; no one will bring you more joy or more anxiety than your children. Someday the other two will know what it's like, and they will consider me less crazy in retrospect. Some of my mom-related concerns are discreet -- checking my phone first thing every morning to make sure there are no emergency calls or texts -- while others are more intrusive. Really, I don't know whether my sons consider the others to be intrusive. I will say each accepts my sometimes-odd questions with compassion and grace -- at least when I talk to them. I'm sure they have their own conversations about them when I'm not around. Am I paranoid to think that? I don't think so, and I don't blame them for thinking I'm a little nuts.

Last night I missed a call -- no big deal -- from a number in Starke (about an hour and a half southwest of Jacksonville). I wouldn't have thought much about it, but a minute later a call came through from the same number. I answered it, and I could tell someone was there but no one said anything. A minute later, the same thing happened. Again, this wouldn't have been a big deal IF I hadn't known that one of my sons was driving back to Jacksonville from Tampa, and Starke is along the way (if you take the off-highway route). So at this point I was a little worried. I called the number back and it went straight to voice mail; I left a message saying something along the lines of "if you need something from me, leave me a message." Then I had a better idea: I simply called my son and asked if he and his girlfriend were okay. They were. It was just a weird coincidence. They had stopped for dinner but had just driven through Starke.

I try not to worry too much, and I think I succeed. I know they aren't little boys, and they are completely able to take care of themselves. But when I get the "mom feeling", I'm going to follow up. I know all moms aren't this way, but I'm okay with it.