A Menopause Mystery

I'm still on the fence about whether I should tell this story, but because it's both horrifying and hilarious, I've decided to go for it. However, I will issue a caution: if you're not a middle-aged woman reading this, I suggest you turn back now. The incident I'm going to relate may not really have anything to do with menopause. I tend to blame every insult to my body of the past few years on menopause, but it could just as easily be about getting older. Sometimes it's hard to separate those two things.

In December when I came down with the flu and, shortly thereafter, pneumonia, I discovered a new body-horror. If I coughed or sneezed too hard, I had a little "leakage". That's the only time it had happened, for which I'm grateful. I know women my age and even younger who have a big problem with that. When my cough and congestion cleared up, so did my issue -- until last week when I came home with the flu. I bought the supplies I needed and dealt with it. It's not a big deal. I'm fine now, but I still have a dry cough, especially when I talk a lot, and you know if I'm seeing a friend I haven't seen for a while, I'll be talking a lot.

Last night when I was at dinner with my friend, I had a coughing fit. I excused myself to "clear my throat" (read, re-up on protection), took care of business, and came back to the table. We had a lovely meal and wonderful chit-chat on a variety of topics, some related to our common area of business but most not. I drank about a gallon of tea; of course, that didn't help my issue. But home was only ten minutes away, so I decided to wait until then for another bathroom trip. And that was when I was intrigued by the mystery I refer to in the title. When I got home, I discovered that my "protection device" -- okay, I'll just say it; it was a light Poise pad -- was gone. I turned my pants inside out looking for it, went back and checked my car, and looked in my driveway. It wasn't there. That leaves two possibilities: I lost it on my way back to my car (on a crowded street in early-evening daylight), or it was stuck to the seat of the restaurant booth. Does this happen to other people? I'll just say this: If you're walking down the street and you see someone with a Poise pad stuck to her pant-leg, don't laugh. It might be me.