Yarn and Guitars

I'm sitting in my son's living room -- I haven't been up to my mom's house yet, not having a car -- and as I look around, I notice it looks a lot like our family's living room while my sons were growing up. Two guitars and an amp sit in one corner, toys are neatly stacked in another, and small balls of yarn are bundled on the sofa. (My suitcase and shoes don't quite fit in the picture, but I haven't unpacked.) Chicken is simmering on the stove; I had hoped to have dinner ready when my son got home from work, but I had a conference call just before he arrived. In a few minutes, we'll all sit down together to eat dinner. This was always important to me when my kids were growing up. I learned more about their lives each night at dinner than I did any other place or time.

When my middle son and his girlfriend took me out to dinner, I was away from the table when the appetizer arrived. When I returned, the food sat untouched. His girlfriend said that he made her wait until I got back to start eating. In my house, it's always been a rule that nobody eats until everyone is at the table. I loved that he absorbed that courtesy. I like his girlfriend but I'm not sure her family observes the same rule, which is okay. Different families have different manners.

As my kids have their own kids (and so far only one does), it makes me happy to see them focusing on the things that I too believe are important. Maybe I'm thinking more about it this week, not only because I'm visiting my son and his family, but also because I witnessed an example of really bad parental modeling (in the woman who hit my son's girlfriend's car with her kids and grandkids in the car with her). Telling your kids how to behave is important, but acting the way you want them to behave is even more important.