Like a Virgin

Tomorrow afternoon I will head back into the classroom, teaching for the first time in over two years. While I'm excited, I've also been working myself into a frenzy about what to take, to do, to wear. My confidence is not at a high point; I have tremendous admiration for people whose self-worth is not tied (at least in part) to their appearance, but sadly I'm not one of them. My new outfits look nice, but there's no denying -- especially after the ten pounds I put on while I was away for Christmas -- that I'm bigger than I've ever been before. However, since I don't know of any way to lose twenty to forty pounds by tomorrow, I'm just going to have to deal with it.

I don't remember exactly how I felt the first time I entered a classroom as an instructor rather than a student, but I imagine it was similar to the way I feel today. Certainly it helped that I didn't have a lot of time to worry that first time, and I do have many years of experience going in this time. Still, as I was updating some materials that I'll use with my new students, I realized I am a little rusty. My abbreviations and symbols were cryptic even to me. I had thought I could just update assignment names and page numbers, but as I read through the information, I found that I had to review key terms. Of course, the concepts have stuck with me; I could teach this course in my sleep. When I mentioned that to the acting chair, the man who interviewed me, he said he preferred that I be awake. I appreciated that he had a sense of humor.

Like a young woman looking forward to a big date with her beloved, I am filled with giddy, queasy anticipation. First and foremost, will I come across as intelligent and sane? Secondly, will they want me -- to be their teacher? Will they like me -- at least enough to pay attention and learn? For answers to these questions and more, stay tuned.