Countdowns

Steroids make me really edgy. Have I mentioned that before? Even yesterday, maybe? Holiday stress doesn't make it any better. I keep trying to think of what I'm stressing about. My gifts are ready, travel plans are (loosely) made, and I know I'll be with my sons and granddaughters on Christmas. I can't start decorating until we get to my mom's house, which will be a few days before Christmas. None of that should be a problem. But the countdowns are taking a toll: departure a week (or so) from today, time to prep and cook, one last Christmas at my mom's house. And then the big countdown: getting her house on the market in the spring.

My guess is that it's the last one that's weighing on me most. This will be the first Christmas since my mom died, and while it will be nice to have one last gathering at her house, it will be bittersweet, especially for my boys. My plan had been to go back up in March or April do get the last of the stuff out, but since I'll be teaching two classes from February through May, that won't work. I know it makes sense to do what I can while I'm up there, and my new plan is to stay until mid-January, but I don't want to purge the house when I'm trying to enjoy a nice holiday with my family. On the other hand, everyone else won't be there as long, and if I want help, I'll have to do the big stuff before they leave.

I don't think I'm overly sentimental. We've had that house since 1974. I'm certainly not attached to the overflowing crap we need to go through before we put the house up for sale. But the house itself . . . well, that's different. I know it's just a house, and I believe what I've said to my kids about it being wasteful to hold onto a place that's usually empty, that it's time to let another family start making memories there. That doesn't mean it's easy to walk away for the last time from a place that has been such an important part of my life for so many years.

My hope is that there is a balance -- and there almost always is -- between work and leisure, between being happy together and getting things done. We'll have to all work together to find it. I think we will.