A Big Pain in the Ass

Dealing with my mom's estate hasn't been fun. I don't mind writing checks to pay the bills, doing her taxes, and obviously I haven't minded dipping into the money pot -- although I have tried to be moderate in my spending. (Okay, I do mind the first two things a little, but I did the responsible thing and got them done, which is why I feel okay about dipping.) What really bothers me is the strain it puts on family interactions and relationships. I had heard that about estates, that it brought out the worst in people. But I thought it wouldn't apply to my family. I was wrong.

Part of it is that my brother and I have very different priorities and communication styles. I won't speak ill of family members in my blog, but I will say that last night a gasket blew and this morning I was uncharacteristically confrontational; I don't think it would have done any good to say something last night, but after a mostly sleepless night -- I was so angry, I kept waking up -- I had no qualms about voicing my annoyance. It didn't go over well, but a little while later the person I went off on did speak to the object of his insult, apparently even apologizing.

Having spent every Christmas since I was about fourteen in my mom's house (with the exception of a few years when I had issued a travel moratorium from Florida between Thanksgiving and Easter), I am semi-emotional about never doing that again. Keeping the house doesn't gain us anything (and I'm not just talking about money; if that were the only concern, we might consider keeping it) and the "stuff level" seems never to go down no matter how much we plug away at it. I have been asking myself why I care about the things I think I want to hang onto, and thinking about dragging it home with me and junking up my own house has kept me more conscious of what I'm accumulating in my "take-home bags".

I just need to remind myself that if I can pick out what I really want and get it out of here, in a few months this will all be over and I can get back to my life. That's actually pretty good incentive.