What My Kids Think

Or at least what I think they think. As I texted my youngest son to make sure he gave his dog a nightly dose of medicine, and expressed relief that my oldest son decided to stay until tomorrow instead of leaving this evening, it crossed my mind -- not for the first time -- that they probably think I see them as incompetent. It isn't true. I've mentioned recently that I'm going through a weird overprotective and worried phase. I have never really experienced this before. I believe that throughout my kids' lives I've had an appropriate amount of concern about them and their predicaments. I am generally calm in chaotic situations (a result, perhaps, of too much early practice), and outwardly I hold myself together well. Lately, though, I break one of my cardinal rules -- think before you speak -- on a regular basis. I remind myself of my grandmother, who worried incessantly about everything, and annoyed everyone a lot in the process.

I have heard that this is a temporary phenomenon after the loss of a close family member. It can't go away soon enough for me. My sons take it in stride and don't make me feel like a big jerk, but I manage to do a good job of that on my own. They do occasionally poke fun, gently. Once, when I was over-apologizing to my youngest son by text and sent what I thought was a crying emoticon, he replied dryly with, "It's okay. No need to cry tears of joy over it." I really need to wear my glasses when I text. My middle son is likely to say that he has done exactly the opposite of whatever I have reminded him to do, when in reality he has done what he should have. My oldest usually says okay, or sometimes asks me what I'm so worried about -- not in a smart-ass way, but like he really wonders and wants to know. I just can't explain it.

Maybe I need a spa day, or a longer break. I haven't had a "real" vacation in about ten years, and wanderlust is hitting hard. Or maybe getting away for a while wouldn't solve anything at all. I might worry more if I'm farther from everyone. Or I might not. I'm ready to find out. I hear Tahiti is nice this time of year.