The Tortoise and the Hounds

I saved a life today -- sort of. I was working from home and noticed that the dogs were outside being way too quiet. I looked out to see what they were doing (I have my dog and her baby -- who is bigger than she is -- this week). I could tell they were poking at something; I thought it was a mole or just a large lizard. I called them in but they completely ignored me. I went over to the back corner of the yard and saw that they were tormenting a poor turtle (or tortoise -- I can't remember the difference), trying hard to  . . . I'm not sure what. Chew him up? Rip off his shell? Whatever they wanted to do wouldn't have been pleasant for the turtle. So I chased them back in the house and decided that when I took my break I would try to get Phyllis Diller (I'll explain the name in a minute) into the front yard away from Mazie and Jean-Claude.

My son and his girlfriend acquired a turtle a few months ago. They named him Phil Donahue -- and kept the name even after discovering Phil was a female. In my over-active imagination, "my" turtle was the perfect partner for Phil Donahue, so I gave him (her, it?) the name Phyllis Diller. I like the idea of matching initials. But when I texted my son and his girlfriend for turtle advice, I was told that this turtle may not be compatable with Phil Donahue. It was just as well; when I went out on my break, I couldn't find him. But it didn't take the dogs long to track him down when I let them out. When I saw that they had seen what I had missed, I rushed them back in the house and turned poor Phyllis over onto his back -- the dogs had flipped him -- and came back in to work some more. I wasn't sure if Phyllis was a biter, so I had a leather work glove and a small cardboard box at the ready to help me get him from the back yard to the front.

The next time I went out -- I actually took my lunchbreak early to deal with the turtle -- I couldn't find him. I cautiously let the dogs out but they couldn't find him either. It seems Phyllis had outsmarted the pups, either by hiding or by getting out of the yard on his own. So, really, I didn't save a life at all. Phyllis did it all on his own.