My id wants to scream and throw a big fit, but my superego is keeping me in check. My rational side tells me that yelling and having a tantrum won't be in any way productive. I'll end up with a sore throat and high(er) blood pressure. So I'm trying to think of a better way to deal with my day. I should be grading, but my anger and frustration over payroll, homeowner's insurance, and estate issues have my head in such a tangle that I can't even consider grading essays.
In my work email this morning was a note from the payroll department, sent late last night, assuring me (and whomever else it was sent to) that the error in our pay would be corrected today. The problem is, because it wasn't specific to me I have no idea how much I'll get paid. I don't know if it will be half of each class payment or the balance of the total (less what was deposited on Friday). For that reason, I can't pay bills or make a withdrawal. I just have to keep logging into my credit union account to see if the money has been deposited. And every time I see that it hasn't been, I get a little more angry and frustrated. This is not a good use of my time; however, I need to know when that money hits.
Ideally, I would get my grading done and do some painting today. It would be nice to feel like I'm accomplishing something, and painting is one of those things I can do myself, without paying someone -- as opposed to installing cabinets, smooting drywall, or laying tile. I hesitate, though, even to buy paint when I can't know yet what my budget is for the month, or when I'll get the check from my insurance company for repairs. It all feels like a vicious cycle: If I want to get anything done, I have to pay for it myself before I get the insurance check. If I do that, I can't pay my bills or my credit cards for what I've already had to spend. And 'round and 'round it goes.
I found out this morning that my mother's house is not even on the market yet -- although it should have been over a month ago, last I'd heard -- and the appraisal came in much lower than I had expected. At this point, I don't even care what we get for it. I just want to be finished with the whole estate responsibility. For the past two years, I've essentially been maintaining three homes: my own, my youngest son's (while he went to college), and my mom's. Keeping track of what's due when has been a nightmare, and I'm sure I've missed a few things here and there. Now that my son has graduated, he's moved into an apartment with two friends from school and is applying for jobs. I told him I'm not picking up the tab anymore (although in reality, I would probably help some in this first month). Taking care of my own house has become a big chore because of the water damage and renovation; and I'm just tired of trying to deal with the estate.
Please pardon my rant. I'm usually good at not letting things get to me, but all of this at the same time is leaving me somewhat overwhelmed, especially as I near the end of the summer class session and need to finish my work. Maybe I'll blow off some steam doing yard work. On Saturday, I got a letter from my HOA saying that my front flowerbed wasn't up to snuff. More garbage to deal with! At least that's an easy one that won't cost anything; I'll just rip out everything except my sago palm. That will be better.
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