Almost the Gym

In my month-long challenge to get thirty minutes per day of exercise, I fell off the wagon yesterday. I had made it nine straight days, but last night I just didn't do it. I would say I couldn't do it and come up with all the excuses I didn't, but in truth I could have if I'd wanted to. I made the conscious choice not to. Sure, I was tired after finishing all the grading and teaching my class, and it was late by the time I got home, and I was hungry -- and on and on. In the same way I was inordinately proud of myself for sticking to it even after the first three days, I felt devastated and defeated for making the bad choice of skipping it yesterday. It would have been so easy to give up and say, "Oh, well. I'm not going to make that goal of thirty days straight. Screw it." I tried to think about what would make it easier to stay with the program. Definitely my biggest problem with just doing it is waiting too late in the day.

Tonight I had the last meeting of my other summer course, and I had grading to do. I also had a lot of planning to do for my upcoming classes as well as for the "other project" I've mentioned. This morning I was mostly pacing around, thinking of how best to approach it all. I decided to simply walk away from it for an hour; I went to the pool and actually swam for forty minutes. This may not sound like a big deal, but it's just one step away from going to the gym. Now that I don't have a rockin' body (or at least I don't feel that I do), I have a hard time baring much of myself in public. That's part of why I don't want to go to the gym. But I put on my bathing suit and went to the pool. I put my towels down on a chair and got in the water. Nothing bad happened. No one looked at me funny. I didn't break the ladder (which I hadn't thought I would, really; I'm not that fat). For a while, I had the entire pool to myself. I did the breaststroke for a time and turned over and did the backstroke. I floated. I held onto the edge and kicked my feet. And the whole time I was doing all these things, I stared at the beautiful sky. By noon, I had finished my workout, and then some.

This evening I can relax. I don't have anything hanging over my head, except some gentle self-chastising for making my weight such a big deal. Tomorrow morning, I'll be right out there again. And maybe by next week, I'll be in the gym.