Simply Irresistible

I wish I were writing about a person I can't resist here; unfortunately, I'm writing about food. I did so well in my weight-loss efforts since last summer. Even when I took my vacation -- at an all-inclusive resort with (mostly) excellent food -- I gained just three pounds. By last week, I had dropped those three pounds and was back down to a twenty-five-pound loss! That's awesome, right? But for the past few days, I've slipped hard into my old stress/emotional eating habits, buying foods I never buy and devouring them as if someone is perched on the doorstep about to take them away from me. I had learned (and I still know; I'm just ignoring it) that food will not make anything better, other than authentic hunger. I have always known that keeping the food out of the house is the best way to stay out of it. With our family vacation coming up, I've been shopping a little at a time for food to have on hand -- or that's what I told myself. It started on Thursday at the grocery store with BOGO biscotti. I wouldn't normally buy biscotti (other than maybe a single one), but if I got one box it only made sense to get two if it was free. So I got one lemon and one dark chocolate. That night, I had one of each, more than I should have had but not incredibly unreasonable. Last night, I finished off the box of lemon and had one chocolate. Did I mention that there are eight in each box? I swear I had a biscotti hangover this morning.

Today I did much better. In fact, I didn't eat anything at all until three in the afternoon. (I know that's not healthy either, but I still felt full from all the biscotti!) I had a bowl of sugar-free granola with milk and a banana. Very healthy. But when I had gone to Walgreens earlier, I hadn't been able to stay out of the clearance food section. It was in the aisle where I got coffee! I got some Twizzlers (no temptation to me, but my granddaughters will like them), an almond Toblerone (which I convinced myself my son's girlfriend would enjoy), and a box of Walgreens brand assorted cookies (again, nice to have on hand for the kids). I swear, it wasn't a half hour after I'd eaten my granola that I opened up those cookies and had one of each kind. They're small, but still! Eight little cookies, down the hatch.

I have always been this way with food, and sometimes I can control it better than other times. Virtually everyone in my family is addicted to something, and maybe food is the least dangerous -- up to a point. The thought that my mother died of obesity-related illnesses is never far from my mind. As soon as I finish writing this, I'm going to throw away the rest of the cookies. Better to waste a few dollars than to keep indulging in behavior I know is bad for me. And I truly want to keep going in the right direction towards reaching my health goals. Eating cookies and chocolate is not going to get me there, but I'm pretty sure (and hoping) that a three-day lapse won't put me on the wrong path. I think I can resist after all and get back on track. If I could lose another ten pounds this summer, that would be amazing. I'd be within ten pounds of my pre-menopause weight. I just need to stay out of the candy and clearance aisles!