Big Clothes

When I went into the consignment store this afternoon to drop off some spring items, the first thing the owner said when I walked in the door was, "Oh, good! I was just saying we're running low on larger-size clothes." Now, I know she didn't say it with mean intentions, and I didn't take it (too) personally. She's a nice lady and her store has been a good resource for me as I get rid of what I don't need. However, once she started going through my clothing, I did say, "I've lost eighteen pounds in the last few months, so you might not be able to count on me for larger-size clothes for long!" She was happy for me and asked how I had done it. We had a good chat about that and other things; she was able to use most of what I'd brought, so I was happy about that.

People who have struggled with their weight for most of their lives are probably overly-sensitive to remarks about size (and I know that's true for those who are "too small" as well as "too big"), and people who haven't had that particular struggle probably don't think too much about what they say about size. At least that's my experience. Part of the reason I am sort of sensitive about it has to do with not only my own struggle, but also my mother's. She was extremely overweight most of her life -- all of my life -- and I was semi-defensive when others made rude remarks or snickered behind her back. No one should have to endure that. It's one thing (and bad enough) in elementary through high school; alleged grown-ups should have a little more decency.

I haven't actually dropped a size yet, but my clothes are a lot looser than they were six months ago. I'm getting my waist back, which makes me happy. Some overweight people I know claim to be comfortable in their bodies, and if they are, good for them. I am not. But every day I am getting a bit more comfortable, not because I've accepted "weight as fate", but because I've been gaining some control over the situation. It feels pretty good.