Say It Like You Mean It

Last week I wrote about my overuse of explanations and apologies, and my attempts to curtail it. I don't think either is bad -- and often can be good -- but some of us tend to go overboard. Others tend to go "underboard". I don't think it would be wrong of me to apologize and/or explain if I had made plans with a friend and something got in the way of my following through. That doesn't seem unreasonable, and in fact seems considerate. So my post last week with the link discussing things you don't have to apologize for or explain may have been a bit overarching. Or maybe I am feeling that way because I'm on the other end, the side that should be receiving the apology.

Someone in my life repeatedly makes plans to get together then pushes them back by a few hours or cancels altogether. This had happened several times in a row a few months ago, and I told the person that it was probably a better idea not to make plans in advance but that she should wait until she was ready to do something and get in touch. But that was, as I said, a few months ago. I forgot that she wasn't good on follow-through and recently let my schedule get jammed up by her changing plans. It really pissed me off. You know, I try not to vent about personal stuff on my blog, and if I do it, I don't think I do it often. The big problem here is that an apology doesn't mean much (assuming it comes at all) if the person continues the behavior.

I think most sensible people can figure out the line between when they should and shouldn't explain/apologize. That doesn't mean they precisely act on that knowledge. Just as I sometimes know I shouldn't explain myself and do it anyway, I'm sure there are many people who also know when or if they need to and don't do it. I'd rather do it too much than not enough.