Milestones

As I was congratulating myself for wearing my walking boot for about six hours and not turning on the TV until after three in the afternoon, I started thinking about times in my life when I had bigger goals and accomplishments. Really, those times have made up most of my life, but I'm sure I've mentioned -- even before this recent foot surgery -- that I've felt somewhat rudderless for quite some time. I used to think of myself as at least somewhat successful; now I think it's not so much that my self-definition has changed, but more that I've lost a sense of what I want in life and what success would mean to me.

When I was younger, it was easier and more clear-cut: get a good education, raise my kids, be healthy, do the work I loved. Now my kids are grown and my degrees achieved, and the other things are harder at this point in my life than they used to be. It isn't that I don't feel good about accomplishing those goals; I do. This continued period of recovery would be a good time to work on defining some new goals and the steps I need to work on to get there. I'm having a harder time than usual with motivation, no doubt at least in part because of mobility issues, although that is getting a little better every day. I feel a real need to get out of the house, but it's such a hassle to do so alone that it's not even worth it.

It's not the worst thing to be confused about what I want from life. It does let me keep my options open. That will work for a little while, but I'm unaccustomed to not reaching for something. For now, I'm not going to worry too much about it. The last task I want to accomplish today is changing my bed, something I couldn't do when I was fully dependent on the knee-scooter. With the boot, I can get closer to the bed so I can tuck in the edges. (And I didn't mention that I worked a four-hour scoring shift and did a final edit of my friend's book.) That's not a bad day, I guess, and maybe I'll even get a shower in before bed. Not to keep procrastinating, but goal-setting can wait until tomorrow -- or the next day.