Pull Over!

I can't remember the last time I was pulled over. And, yes, I'm knocking on wood as I type that. So imagine my surprise when I was driving down Atlantic Boulevard this afternoon and saw flashing blue lights in my rearview. The traffic was pretty heavy (for reasons I don't know; it was around 1:30 on a crappy-weather Monday) so I knew I hadn't been speeding. Still, even with my big V-8 engine, I wasn't up for trying to outrun the cops, so I pulled into a parking lot to see what was up. At the very least I wanted to get out of his way. Now imagine my surprise when the blue lights turned out to be on a Subaru with a surfboard rack, and the young driver simply pulled into a spot in the same parking lot where I had pulled over (at a surf shop), hopped out of his vehicle, and went into the store. What was that?!

I was confused, then plenty pissed. Who did this guy think he was? And what if it hadn't been me, but instead some young or elderly person. Did he do this at night in secluded areas? Certainly, it was illegal. It wasn't exactly impersonating a cop, but it was close. I could have gone in the store and confronted him (which wouldn't have been entirely out of character for me), but instead I called the police (on the non-emergency number, of course, although I doubt that the Neptune Beach police have much to do in the middle of the day). The woman who answered the phone and to whom I related what had happened seemed as confused and pissed as I was, and about five minutes after I hung up with her, a policeman called me back to clarify what had happened.

If I hadn't been in a hurry, I might have waited to see how it all shook out. But I had a hair appointment. (My cut and color are fantastic, by the way.) Here's how I like to imagine it went: The cop went to the surf shop and the guy was still there. Before going in, the cop examined the grille of the Subaru and saw that the driver had installed blue flashing lights. He -- the cop -- went into the store and the guy tried to run; the cop tased him -- just enough to call him down -- and took him to jail, where he was later released on his own recognizance with the admonition never to pretend to pull anyone over again.