Blue

I like words that have many meanings, and "blue" fits. It can refer to a color, racy language or shows, a phase in an artist's work (Picasso, in particular), a depressed state of being, and probably some others I'm not thinking of. For the past few days, I have been in a "blue period", and I hate it when I get like this. One thing I have to keep reminding myself of is that it won't last forever. What drives me crazy is that I can't figure out the cause of my "blueness". Nothing bad has happened; life is on a good track for me right now.

When I go into one of these states -- and it can happen very quickly -- I become my own worst enemy. I don't want to leave the house or do anything. I had to force myself this morning to go to the grocery store because I was out of almost everything, and as I shopped I had the odd feeling of being detached from everything and everyone. While I'm usually chatty, sometimes to a fault, I had to work hard to get across even the most basic communication with the people I encountered. I was supposed to play a supporting role in a presentation for my volunteer board this morning. I just couldn't go. I was (and still am) having stomach problems, which was the reason I gave for not going, but I think my sense of dis-ease was causing my tummy trouble and not the other way around.

There are times when, if I catch it early enough, I can talk myself back up -- or down, as the case may be. Other times, like this one, it hits so hard so fast that I am unprepared to thwart it. I don't think I'm alone in this kind of struggle. I'm sure nearly everyone has dealt with some form of depression, whether they care to admit it or not. My best course of action at this point is to regain some sense of routine in my life and push on. And to remember it won't last forever.