The List

Many years ago I heard an interview with Ted Leonsis in which he talked about what inspired him to make a list of 100 things he wanted to do before he died. He had been on a plane that made an emergency landing, and what flashed before his eyes in those terrifying moments when he expected that his demise was imminent was not what he had done in his life, but what he hadn't. He was determined that if he lived, he would decide what he wanted to do and make a plan to do it. This was long before he was an owner of my hometown sports teams -- and before he was a millionaire. It was also long before the term "bucket list" became a well-know phrase. Of course, it's easier to complete your bucket list if you have a lot of money, but I would guess that not everything on his list involved extensive capital.

In keeping with my new amped-up life philosophy, I have been trying hard to make a list. What's ironic about my inability to do so is that I make lists for everything. I carry a small notebook with me at all times so I can check my lists: books to get from the library, books to buy, groceries, work tasks, home projects, songs I hear on the radio, people I want to learn more about -- you get the picture; I have a list for everything. Except for those things I want to accomplish in my life. I remember when I was teaching I unintentionally bummed out a small group of students in my lit class. The class was divided into cohorts and I was working with one in particular as we analyzed a poem. The poem had to do with death and one student said the poet must have been old when he wrote it. I asked him why he thought that. He said that old people were more worried about death because it would come to them sooner (or something along those lines). I told him that age wasn't always a factor in death, that young people die too, sometimes from accidents and sometimes from natural causes. And either way, old people generally fear death less than young people. I hadn't really been paying attention to the group's reaction while I was talking, but I noticed when I stopped that they looked as if I had slapped them. I felt bad. I didn't want to ruin their day; I was just trying to steer them away from making assumptions.

I mention that story to explain that I am not in a hurry to make my list because I think I will die soon. Rather it's because I want to get busy doing things I haven't done. In other words, I may not have control over when or how I die, but I do have control over when and how I live. Ted Leonsis carried his list with him always, a folded up piece of paper in his pocket. I like the idea of handwriting mine too and crossing off items as I complete them. Now if I could just decide what to put on the list.