Losing a Dear Friend

When I said goodbye a few weeks ago to my friend who has been living in Thailand, I never thought it would be the last time. His son called me this afternoon to tell me he, my friend, had been killed in a motorcycle accident a few days ago. I held it together pretty well while I was on the phone with his son, but afterwards I sobbed for a long time. This friend and I go back a long time, and we've had many adventures together. I've written here about some of the more recent of those adventures, but our friendship goes back more than thirty years. His son was unclear about our relationship; once I told him how I knew his dad and how long we had been friends, he asked me a lot of questions about other people to contact and if I knew other people whose names he had on a list. Some I did, or at least I knew who they were. My friend was a very private person and didn't have a lot of close friends with whom he shared personal details of his life. I feel fortunate to have been one of the few.

Now his sons are having to deal with the horrible issue of having their dad transported back to the US. While I offered to help in whatever way I could -- making phone calls, etc. -- I'm at a loss when it comes to those kinds of details, and I feel bad for them, having to deal with such things in their time of grief. The son I spoke with said that there would be a memorial at some point in West Virginia, where my friend's mom lives, and I may travel north for that. I am going to call the mom tonight, but I needed some time to get myself together first. It won't be an easy call. She's a sweet lady, and she's quite elderly. I'll bet she's not as fragile as she might seem, but I'm not a bit fragile and I was crying like a baby earlier.

This is a picture of me with my friend in Tarpon Springs a few years ago when we took a road trip. We were great travel buddies, and this trip in particular was so much fun. This is how I always think of him, with a mysterious little smile pulling at one side of his mouth. He didn't talk a lot, and I never heard him say anything negative about anyone. We shared fun, silence, dancing, and secrets, but most of all we shared a deep and lasting friendship. I miss him so much already.